"Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Just ask my ex -wives. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! 1. You hit down to make the ball go up. 21. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. P.G. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. How many strokes was that? A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. 5. ", Achieve more with each and every round you play. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? A dinner without wine. 2. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. I was actually enjoying it. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. And there are windmills. Such is the game. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Golfing? Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! When is it too wet to play golf? Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. 6. 6. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. The lowest score wins. 19. I'm pretty good with my short putts. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. In case he got a hole in one! I give him the driver. How the heck did that happen? He was puttering around. 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest I give the ball some sweet talk. Whats the difference between golf and sex? On a golf course, nature is neutered. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. The threesome were curious what was going on. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Missed the ball and sank the divot. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Their fore-fathers! Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Its to move on. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Dont even putt. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Tiagra. The smile looks really good on you. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Required fields are marked *. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Wodehouse, 31. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Everyday I'm Schauffele. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Your email address will not be published. Or under. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. You shot an eight. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. He said. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. 2. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Golf is like doing your taxes. 8. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Very interesting. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Golf is very much like a love affair. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Funny Family Poems. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. Please add a link to this site. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Which is the easiest golf stroke? However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Bye Bye Birdie. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. And it's damn funny. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. So what are you waiting for? The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. fodrizzle. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. So, I'm on the first tee with him. 20. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Your email address will not be published. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Eight. He said. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. At the golf corpse! Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Hit the ball. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. I had a hole in nothing. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". One minute youre bleeding. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. "I'm the best. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Dirty Golf Sayings. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. Nay! And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. 7. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. It bends a little to the left. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8.